Is your child or teen struggling with anxiety? If so, you’re not alone. Between the challenges of the pandemic, school pressures, and social stress, many young people today are wrestling with negative thoughts that fuel their anxiety. It can be overwhelming—for both you and your child—but there is a way to help.

In this post, I’m going to introduce you to a powerful tool that has helped my own daughter navigate her anxiety. It’s called the Catch-Cancel-Change tool, and trust me, you’re going to want this in your parenting toolkit.

This school year, you want things to be different—you want your child or teen to feel confident, at ease, and capable of handling whatever comes their way. That’s exactly what this tool can help with. I’ve seen firsthand how it can change the way young people manage their anxious thoughts and, in turn, transform how they face challenges.

If you’ve been feeling powerless against your child’s anxiety, you’re in the right place. By the end of this article, you’ll have a practical, effective strategy to guide your child through catching those negative thoughts, canceling their power, and replacing them with healthier, more helpful ones. And the best part? This tool works for parents too—helping you manage your own anxious moments right alongside your child.

Let’s dive in!

Understanding Your Child’s Anxiety

Before we dive into the Catch-Cancel-Change tool, it’s important to understand why it works. When you know why something works, you’re more confident in using it effectively with your child or teen. The foundation of this tool comes from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—a well-known and highly effective method for managing anxiety in both kids and adults.

What is CBT?
CBT focuses on the present rather than digging deep into the past. The best part? It’s practical and gives real tools you can use right away to change how your child thinks, feels, and acts.

How Thoughts Influence Emotions and Behavior

At the core of CBT is one powerful idea: Your thoughts influence your emotions, and your emotions influence your actions. This is a game-changer when it comes to anxiety.

Here’s how it works:

Situation: Your child or teen faces a situation—like preparing for a big test.
Thought: They might think, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m going to fail.”
Emotion: That thought triggers emotions like anxiety, fear, or frustration.
Behavior: Finally, those emotions lead to unhelpful behaviors, such as avoiding the test, shutting down, or lashing out.

Most people assume that emotions just “happen” after a situation, but it’s actually the thought that comes first. Once you understand that thoughts trigger emotions, you can see just how much control your child can have over their reactions.

The Anxiety Cycle

Negative thoughts feed anxiety. When your child starts thinking, “I’m going to fail” or “Everyone’s going to think I’m stupid,” those thoughts spiral into anxious feelings. And what happens next?

They avoid situations, like skipping a test or withdrawing from social events.
Their anxiety worsens because they feel unprepared or disconnected.
They act out, possibly saying or doing things they regret later.

This becomes a vicious cycle:
Negative thoughts ➔ Anxiety ➔ Unhelpful behaviors ➔ More anxiety.

Breaking the Cycle: A Real-Life Example

Let’s say your child comes home and says, “I’m so stupid, I’ll never understand math.” This unhelpful thought creates a downward spiral:

Thought: “I’m stupid.”
Emotion: They feel anxious, frustrated, and overwhelmed.
Behavior: They avoid homework, which leads to falling further behind.

But imagine if they caught that thought and reframed it to something more balanced, like:
“Math is tough, but I’ve learned hard things before, and I can get better with practice.”

Emotion: Now, they feel determined instead of defeated.
Behavior: They’re more willing to try their homework, even if it’s still a challenge.

Why Managing Thoughts Is the Key to Reducing Anxiety

Anxiety doesn’t come out of nowhere—it starts with a thought. And that’s where you come in. When you help your child identify their negative thoughts and shift them into something more helpful, you’re giving them the tools to manage their anxiety.

This concept doesn’t just apply to anxiety; it works for any negative emotion—frustration, anger, sadness, and more. When your child learns to change their thoughts, they can change their emotions and behaviors too.

Introducing the Catch-Cancel-Change Tool

Helping your child or teen manage anxiety starts with a simple but powerful tool: Catch-Cancel-Change. It’s all about helping them identify, reject, and replace unhelpful thoughts that fuel their anxiety. Let’s break down each step so you can start using it right away.

How to Help Your Child Catch Negative Thoughts

Step 1: Catch the Thought

The first and most important step is to help your child catch the negative thought that’s causing their anxiety. If they don’t catch it early, it will quickly take over. Kids and teens can be so caught up in their emotions that they don’t even realize they’re having unhelpful thoughts, so this step is all about awareness.

What does it mean to ‘catch’ a thought?
Simply put, it’s about becoming aware of the exact thought causing their anxiety. Ask your child or teen to slow down and reflect on what’s going through their mind right before they feel anxious.
How to help them catch the thought:
Ask open-ended questions like:
- “What were you thinking about before you started feeling upset?”
- “What’s the scariest part of this situation for you?”
- “Can you remember what went through your mind when you started feeling worried?”

This will help them shine a light on the thoughts that are fueling their anxiety.

Empower Your Child or Teen To “Cancel” The Thought and Stop Giving It Power

Step 2: Cancel the Thought

Once your child has identified the unhelpful thought, the next step is to cancel it. Canceling a thought is like saying, “Nope! I’m not letting this thought take control.” It’s about teaching your child that just because they think something doesn’t make it true.

How to explain canceling the thought:
You can guide your young person by saying something like, “When that worried thought pops up, imagine a big red stop sign in your brain. You can say, ‘Stop! I’m not letting this thought run the show.’”
Why canceling works:
It creates a mental pause, giving your child the space to reject the thought before it spirals out of control.

Help Your Child Take Control By Transforming The Anxious Thought Into a Balanced, Helpful Thought

Step 3: Change the Thought

The final step is to change the unhelpful thought into something more balanced or constructive. The goal isn’t to go from negative to overly positive but to find a middle ground that helps your child step out of their anxiety.

How to change the thought:
Help your child reframe the initial anxious thought into something that feels more realistic and hopeful. For example:
- Instead of “I’m going to fail,” they can think, “This test is tough, but I’ve studied, and I’ll do my best.”
- Instead of “Everyone’s going to think I’m stupid,” they can shift to, “I might feel nervous, but most people won’t notice, and it’s ok to make mistakes.”
Practice makes perfect:
Encourage your child to practice changing their thoughts regularly. Over time, this creates new mental habits that reduce anxiety and build emotional resilience.

Examples: Using These Techniques in Everyday Life

Here’s how the Catch-Cancel-Change tool can work for different age groups:

For Younger Kids (Elementary Age):
If your child is worried about messing up during a school performance, help them change their thought from “I’m going to mess up” to “I’ve practiced, and I’m going to do my best.”
For Middle Schoolers:
If your middle schooler is overwhelmed by a big project, guide them to think, “I don’t have to finish everything right now—I can break it down into smaller steps.”
For High Schoolers:
If your teen is anxious about applying for college, help them reframe their thought from “I’m never going to get into the school I want” to “Even if I don’t get into my first choice, there are other schools that will value what I bring.”

Why Changing the Thought is So Powerful

By helping your child change their negative thoughts, you’re empowering them to take control of their mindset. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect—it’s about finding a balanced perspective that reduces anxiety and fosters emotional resilience. And the more your child practices this tool, the more natural it will become.

A Tool for the Whole Family

The Catch-Cancel-Change tool isn’t just for your child or teen—it’s a valuable skill for you too. We all experience moments of anxiety, stress, and unhelpful thoughts, and this tool can help anyone manage those feelings more effectively. By learning to manage your own thoughts, you not only reduce your anxiety but also model emotional resilience for your young person.

Here’s my challenge for you:
The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not doing enough,” or “I’ll never get everything done,” try using the Catch-Cancel-Change tool. Catch that negative thought, cancel its power, and replace it with something more balanced, like, “I’m doing the best I can,” or “I can take things one step at a time.” Then, share this process with your child or teen. Let them see that this tool isn’t just for them—it’s a lifelong skill that can help them navigate the ups and downs of life with more confidence.

Start Using the Tool Together

This tool has been a game-changer for my family, and I know it can be for yours too. The more you practice it, the more natural it becomes. Not only will you help your child or teen manage their anxious thoughts, but you’ll also strengthen your connection with them by showing that you’re in this together.

Here’s your weekly challenge:
Pick one moment this week to use the Catch-Cancel-Change tool with your child. It doesn’t have to be a big moment—maybe it’s helping them manage anxiety around school, friends, or even chores. Walk them through catching the thought, canceling its power, and replacing it with something more positive. And don’t forget to practice it yourself too!

Connect with Dr. Becca Ballinger:

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And always remember, Friend, I believe in you. You’ve got this.

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